Take Two!

2009-2014!

Yeah, that didn't work out all that well.  Let's take 2.

So, life got very busy and things like this blog just sort of got left on the wayside for a while.  I suppose catching up on things might be a good way to renew the life of this blog.  Let's start from the top, in no particular order.

So, as it turns out, I'm a narcissist, yay!  Who would have thought that a self-centered asshole would have problems seeing non-personal repercussions to his own actions, and be casual about emotionally hurting others?
Not to make light of it necessarily, but it was painful to be confronted with, and has demanded a lot of me emotionally and mentally.  It's re-configuring how I think about myself, my interactions with others, and is demanding a level of empathy that I thought I was used to, but simply wasn't the case.  I ended up hurting people very close to me, and I have spent a lot of time, if not making it right, then at least trying to start again doing the right thing.  I had been seeing a therapist over it, and was trying to get some serious behavioral modification in place, but things have been hectic the last few months, and I'm trying very hard to make time to pick up where we left off.

Turns out, I'm also clinically depressed!  What a combo!  Raging cock to everyone, and my life was still miserable!  I'd been that way ever since I was in the Navy, but I had always made excuses for the way I had felt.  'Oh, it's because my job sucks,' or, 'Oh, it's because money is tight,' or 'Oh, me and my SO are going through a bunch of rough patches.'  Things would drag me down, sap away my energy, and just make me miserable, but I never thought it was me, but either my surroundings or my circumstances.
That's a dangerous combination when it comes to a narcissist.
I started subconsciously blaming my SO, a wonderful, patient, loving, caring woman, and, being who she is, she tried changing for me.  She tried a lot.  A whole lot.  So much, in fact, that it had some really serious effects on her self-image and confidence.  She thought she was awful, and ugly, and not worth other people's time.  And every time I snapped at her, or yelled at her, or made little hints that things should change, it made things worse.  We are both working at helping her re-build her self-image into the amazing woman I ruined.  I carry a lot of grief and self-loathing regarding those actions of myself towards my loved ones.  It's a hard process, and one in which I find myself backsliding occasionally.  Fortunately, I have an understanding fiancee that is not shy about letting me know when I'm being a jackass, and righting my bad behaviors and habits.  We support each other in our brokenness, and it sort of works.

Well, enough depressing shit!  I've become better at my job than ever, and might be making a sideways move into a local, permanent position (hopefully!).  My SO and I are both members at a local gym, and we will be going back together as soon as her arm is healed from trying too hard to fix a van for her brother.  She's developed a debilitating case of social anxiety, and we are both working on integrating her back into social settings in as gentle a manner as possible.

Our daughter is doing very well in school, and has just started 5th grade.  She reads like it's a drug, and I couldn't be happier.  She's also growing up gamer, and is already asking questions and forming opinions of the industry that reflect my own, but are coming up independently: She wants to know why she can't play more games with a girl as the hero, thinks that games can be art just as much as anything else (thanks Journey and Entwined), and is addicted to Minecraft.  She's also a giant smartass, and knows it.  It's ok though, since it's cute, and she behaves wonderfully in public and at school, which tells me that she's developing a startlingly good sense of judgement.  She just lacks confidence in most things, which is painful to see, since I was the same way growing up.  We do what we can, and encourage her in things that she tries, but nothing seems to work.
Oh, she's a science geek too!  She always has crazy questions regarding the world, nature, the universe, and life in general, under the lens of scientific scrutiny.  She's come up with a lot of spot-on conclusions on her own here as well.  There's a lot to be proud of there, and she's just getting better and better as time goes on.

We have two cats as well: Zombie and Caboose, with pictures to come later.  They are an odd lot; Zombie was named since she had to have her right front leg amputated from being in some sort of farm machinery accident before we saved her, and Caboose...well, watch Red Vs. Blue.  You'll get the gist.  They keep life interesting, and are lovable to boot.

Well, enough catching up.  I'll be back soon, with just as broad a set of topics as  I can find.

Are we becoming a House Divided Again?

I heard the news yesterday that Texas is mad as hell, and not going to take it any more. Sick and tired of being drained and fleeced, they sent a message with HCR 50 to the Federal government, reminding them of just where their authority ends. There have even been talks of Texas seceding. It makes me happy that there are still people out there that want to live dangerously free, rather than comfortably caged. What I find amazing is that overwhelmingly, the supporters of this bid at retaking their rights and freedom are polite and fairly well-spoken, while the opponents are almost universally rude, mean, and generally unsavory in their comments.

America is becoming polarized, even more so than under Bush. Bad elements exist on both sides, but this is getting out of hand. Many Americans have expressed their displeasure at the way things are going right now with tea parties, while others say that our President's course of action is the only way to bring back prosperity. I, for one, am a Libertarian. I disagree with current legislation, with current budgetary policy, and with current spending. It is my belief (and one that has been proven time and time again) that there is almost nothing the federal government can do that local government or private citizens cannot do better; the only exception right now being national defense (they even got one-upped in mail delivery!).

There's two sides to America right now, in broad strokes: the side that wants to do what they want, free to live with consequences and keep what they work for; the other side seems to want safeguards for everything, no consequences, and few responsibilities in exchange for few freedoms. And while the latter side talks a good game, the former generally takes action much better.

Time for talk is running out, as is many people's patience. I do hope that things get back on track, that government shrinks, that our rights and freedoms will be given back, and that people won't be so worried about getting offended or offending somebody else (which is amazing, since the people that usually scream loudest about being offended are typically the most offensive). These are frightening times, but also exciting times. We sit on a powder keg; I wonder what will be around after the blast.

First!

So, this is my 1st foray into blogging, so I figured that I should introduce myself, and sort of why I'm even bothering.

Really, it wasn't even my idea at all. A friend of mine recommended that I start writing about things that interested me, ostensibly because I am, using his words, "Very quotable." I fail to see that quality in myself, but figured that it can't hurt if he's right. So, I'm taking his advice, and just talking about anything that happens to come to mind; current events, history, politics, cooking, personal experiences, whatever.

I've been described as an asshole on any number of occasions, but I try to be polite as much as possible. I'm very opinionated, and it generally takes a lot of convincing to change my mind on anything, but I am always open to new ideas and discussions. Some people have called me conservative, and some people have called me liberal, but I don't consider myself either. I have tendencies from both sides of the field, but because of some retarded human reaction where if I favor one thing from one side, I must favor everything from that side, I get called (on a fairly equal basis) a bleeding-heart Liberal and a fear-mongering Neocon, both of which make me laugh. Really, I'm more of a moderate, and think that there's good on both sides; it's just that the dichotomy of ideology and this for us/against us mentality on both sides really doesn't do anybody any good.

I'm a born-again Pagan. I was raised Roman Catholic, but early in my life I started to question my faith, and was encouraged to do so by my parents (and interestingly my grandmother, who is one of the most devout Catholics I have ever known, and a wonderful person). I was given my first book of mythology at the age of 6 (again, by my grandmother), and have been hooked since. I collect religions like some people collect stamps, and since I spent a lot of time studying them as a passion, I have a healthy respect for pretty much all faiths, and can see the good in almost all of them. I love talking about differences in faith, and being pointed to new avenues of research. I also, despite falling from the 'one true faith', have a lot of respect for the basic tenets and principles of Christianity, and have met a few Christians I have a lot of respect for; most notable of these are my old pastor in Indiana, Gary Johnson (who helped me get more answers than I think he will ever know), and my best friend Mike (who may be the best person I have ever met).
I know there are a lot of great Christians out there, it just seems to me that I see more and more of the type of people that Jesus best typified as Pharisees in Matthew. If you're not a Christian, it's worth a read; if you are a Christian, it's even more so. I'm an animist, if anyone is interested. That doesn't mean I worship animals, and I'm not a New Age neopagan/druid/Wicca/whatever. I'll write about what it is I believe in later, if anyone is interested.

I'm a gamer. Always have been, always will be. I got hooked young, and now I play a lot. I've currently got a PS3 and PS4, and a laptop with a bunch of emulators. I enjoy multiplayer games (mostly shooters and role-playing games), and driving games when it comes to my consoles, and I'm actually pretty flexible when it comes to board games. I really enjoy strategy board games though, like Risk. I love Apples to Apples and Cards Against Humanity as well.

The name of the blog seems cliche, I know, but it has some meaning for me. Very often, I find my personal view to be so out of touch with what I see being accepted as the norm that I often feel like I am a stranger. I suppose that's another reason what I'm writing this: to give a different point of view on things. I just hope that I don't come off as being conceited or arrogant in my ramblings.

Well, that about does it. Expect more later (not that I imagine I'll get too many hits).